A few years ago my husband Michael and I attended a large, dressy event out of this community. I went to it kicking and screaming because it meant traveling at a time when I felt like staying at home, finding a sitter for our young daughter, and dressing up when I wanted to slip on a pair of jeans and an old tee shirt.
Everyone attending the sit down dinner was white and middle class and the table we were seated at was VERY white and middle class. We had no choice in the selection. Because the people seated there didn't know a whole lot about either one of us, they thought that we felt the same way they did about things. By things, I mean THOSE topics. You know - race, politics, religion, adoption, domestic violence, immigration, marriage equality, special needs children. The list goes on.
They assumed we thought exactly the same way they did because we looked like them. They felt we were identical. They couldn't have been more wrong. For every bigoted point they made, we had a counter perspective. A counter position born of living, working and breathing the very topics they were disparaging, either through our own lives or those of close friends and relatives. I was a spy in the Land of Prejudice.
I had always given speeches about how there are people and their personal stories behind their faces and we need to take the time to learn who people are and respect that. I am ashamed to say I didn't speak out at that dinner. I turned to my husband and said we needed to leave. We did, but it was cowardly. I could and should have done better. I know now that the real test of courage is to say something when the audience is not anonymous or accepting, like the people sitting in an audience. The true examination of integrity is listening to the other person's point of view, and sticking to your beliefs, especially in a situation where there is some misinformation resulting in prejudice.
I have made a resolution that I will no longer let intolerance pass.
It won't be easy. I want to be accepted. I hate making waves in my personal life. I've done that kind of speaking out for years at work. My promise, my resolution is when an untoward remark is made, or a joke told at the expense of another person defaming who that person IS, I will talk. Even if it means I won't be "popular". Even if it means the face lost in the crowd is no longer mine. If I remain quiet, what is lost is irretrievable. It has to do with honor and courage and a principled life.
Nowadays when I give speeches, I always close with the following parable: Jewish tradition states that at any given time, the existence of the entire world depends on 36 righteous individuals. These people are known by their character, by how they affect the people around them. They do not necessarily know themselves to be particularly honorable.
I would like to believe there are people I have met who are one of the exalted group of 36. And if not, each and every one of us should make a resolution to act like we are.
-----------------------------------------------------
Cheryl Kravitz, President of CRK Communications, is respected nationally for her expertise in community relations, motivational speaking, crisis communications, media relations, media training, feature writing, diversity training, fund development and issues management. You can contact her at:
http://www.crkcommunications.com or crk725@aol.com.
