His concerns were similar to those I've heard from many other clien...Once they have the financial plan taken care of, often a couple of questions that follow are: "How will I handle the lack of structure?" "Will I feel isolated?" "What's my plan?"
This got me thinking and I asked Joe, what is your self talk (inner dialogue) telling you? What thoughts are going through your mind? Are they positive or negative? Are you replaying those negative thoughts like an old tape?
You see, Joe was used to his routine. Each morning he'd get out of bed, take the dog out; bring in the paper, shower, dress, grab a bite to eat, and off to the office. Joe said he was concerned about the loneliness factor?he was used to being around people and enjoyed the camaraderie.
Now I know from my training that transition, even when it's positive, is something we naturally resist. It was going to be my job to guide Joe to shifting to a positive self talk and not get bogged down by the negative thoughts, or what I call clutter, that was clouding his mind. Joe was finding it hard to get the clarity he needed to focus and figure out his next step, even if that was simply to relax! It was obvious that he was in a "fear mode" and that was blocking his positive thoughts. I knew just how he felt. Who hasn't experienced this at one time or another? The fear takes over, the negative thoughts begin and before you know it, you're going down the rabbit hole! But hold ...You don't have to!
There is something we all can do, to make this transition easier. And that is to practice POSITIVE SELF TALK (PST) in all areas of your life. I explained to Joe that positive self talk facilitates transition to make it easier for change to occur, and for life to go more smoothly. We then discussed eight PST strategies I developed. How do I know this...because I successfully practice this myself, as well as working with many clients who have successfully done so.
As Joe and I talked we started going over the PST Strategies and applied them to his situation.
1)) Set aside a Quiet Time - I suggested to Joe that before he even gets out of bed in the morning, he take a quiet ti...a time to think about what he intends to do with his time today. We brainstormed a few options such as volunteering for an organization, playing golf, and spending time with his grandson. Setting your intentions helps you to focus and get clarity.
2) Be Present and In the Moment - Like most people, Joe was used to looking back or looking into the future. I told him that's fine as long as he doesn't get stuck in either place. By being "Present and In the Moment" he can deal with "what is" instead of worrying and being fearful of the "what if". For example, Joe was focusing too much on "what had been" at his old job. He was also getting anxious worrying about what would be. The truth is we only have today, so focus on that and take action!
3) Be Aware and Notice Your Thoughts - I explained to Joe that in order to make any change that you have to be aware and notice your thoughts and where you feel that in your body. Without awareness, you can't make a change. Joe told me that every time he used to think about retirement he would get a sickening feeling in his gut. Now that he's planning and getting into action, he said he feels much better. As funny as it may sound, your body signals you in many ways if you pay attention and use that to your advantage!
4) It's a Perspective - Joe was looking at things from one perspective. It was important for him to change his view and look at a few different lenses. Together we brainstormed different perspectives, such as the perspectives of "What would freedom look like?" "I'm ready to begin Chapter Two" and so on. We then went on to discuss the pros and cons of each perspective.
5) Choose the Words You Think and Say - I heard Joe expressing a lot of negative thoughts like he'll never have the friendships he did at work, that he's bored, that people don't treat him with the same respect he got at his office, and so on. I explained to Joe that what he thinks internally is what happens in our external world...so think of the intentions of the words you choose. In the book "Little Engine That Could", there's a big difference between "I Think I Can, I Think I Can" and "I Know I Can". Intention means everything!
6) Replace and Reframe Negative
Self Talk with Positive Self Talk -
Since awareness to notice your thoughts is critical, Joe began to master shifting his self talk from negative to positive. Each time he noticed a negative thought, he reframed it to a positive one. For example, Joe kept saying that "he didn't want to be alone". I asked Joe to reframe that to something positive. Joe thought about it and came up with "I want to be around people, connect with them, and live an active life." Then he took an action st...Joe was going to go to the community center that day to sign up for activities that interested him.
7) Focus on What You Have - As opposed to what you don't have. Joe has a loving family, good health, and opportunities to do what he wants in the future.
8) Realize You Have a Choice - Most people forget they have a choice. Joe has time to decide what he's going to do with his future. We discussed things that were of interest to Joe?hobbies, volunteer work, travel, start a new business, etc.
Be open to options and possibilities and for new things to come into your life. The choice is yours! Welcome it, Embrace it!!! Choice is Empowering!!
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Certified Business and Life Coach Susan Samakow is the principal of Susan Samakow Coaching, LLC. She works with individuals and businesses on life and career transitions,
focusing on retirement. Susan coaches individuals, couples, and groups, as well as conducting workshops, retreats, and seminars. For questions, contact Susan at susan@selftalkcoach.net or 301-706-7226 and 703-472-7690.
